Being Still Not Stale

Being Still Not Stale

Some people stopped talking to me

When I had cancer

As if it was contagious

I wanted to change the world

But my body said you can’t even control me

How can you improve another person?

An in-law said god is punishing you

For your past sins

A friend said your illness

Is washing away your sins

A teacher said God listens to the prayers

Of a sick person

So I did not wish ill upon anyone else

Though at times I cursed the cruel ones

The urologist said the number one reason

For this type of cancer is smoking

I had used cigarettes for only a couple of years

But yes cigars, for some time longer

Though I had quit smoking 15 years earlier

The toxins were still stored in my body

Or I was still holding on to childhood traumas

The old festering wounds came to the surface

Maybe it was the dust from scraping stucco walls

Or inhaling particles from sawing laminate flooring

Or the recycled stale air of office buildings

The immune system was down

From poor sleep and excess of social stress

No medication or alcohol to use as crutches

To ease the parasympathetic nervous system

Not relaxing enough, to allow the body to heal itself

So the organs were screaming and rebelling

Some of it was nature deficit disorder

Sitting indoors in the fake light of Los Angeles

Only a handful of people knew

About my health and surgeries

I didn’t want to give ammunition to enemies

And didn’t want friends to treat me special or with pity

Instead, I wanted folks to be nice to me

Because of who I am, or if I’m kind to them.

Using daily disciplines to get better

Like Accupuncture, yoga, exercise and Ayurveda

Addressing the dis-ease from many angles

With integrated medicine, I recovered.

Most of us want to live long

And avoid thinking and talking about illness or death

Many prefer to whine about their diet and exercise

And don’t want to hear that

They should get sober or more serious

Or stop eating junk food

Or soda or smoking or being lazy or sad

Some have resigned to their current state

Become hopeless about getting healthier

But some don’t act like victims

And instead live heroically

In the present, meditating

Celebrating life

Playing sports

Eating-, drinking-, thinking-, being- healthy

Avoiding negativity

Helping each other

Being socially and spiritually active

To improve the quality of life

In the short time left

by Fazeel Azeez Chauhan

2-13-11